So my experience in writing fiction is, shall we say, limited. But I have a bit of time on my hands. Also, after my conversation with Rowan in my post analysing this scene in Game of Thrones, I thought I’d give this a go.
The scene opens with Oberyn slowly walking behind the three sex workers and then turning and walking in front of them, looking them up and down. Olyver is standing at the end of the room watching. Ellaria is lounging on the bed with a glass of wine. Oberyn stops at the first one and looks at Ellaria.
OBERYN: (To the sex worker) Oh, look at you. How lovely.
ELLARIA: (To Oberyn) Beautiful. But pale. (To the sex worker) Why are you so pale?
The sex worker stands there silently, looking down.
OBERYN: (To Ellaria) We like them pale in the capital. Shows they don’t work the fields.
Oberyn begins to undress the sex worker but she is clearly uncomfortable. She moves to cover herself as Oberyn holds her dress in his hands.
OBERYN: Do I frighten you?
The sex worker shakes her head unconvincingly.
OBERYN: (To Ellaria) You like?
ELLARIA: Timid. What’s the point if she’s afraid?
Oberyn hands the sex worker back her clothes, who hurriedly puts them back on. As she does so, Oberyn walks toward the next sex worker with a smile on his face.
OBERYN: You’re a bit of mischief, aren’t you?
The second sex worker smiles and nods.
OBERYN: I think she likes you.
ELLARIA: (To the second sex worker) You have good taste.
OBERYN: You’re not timid, are you?
The second sex worker removes her own clothes and sashays toward Ellaria on the bed, leaning over to kiss her.
ELLARIA: (Laughing) Not timid. What’s your name?
SECOND SEX WORKER: Beth.
Oberyn walks toward the bed and sits at the end of it, lounging against Ellaria.
OBERYN: You like women, Beth?
BETH: Yes. Especially when they look like her, my lord.
ELLARIA: (Laughing again) You’ll do nicely.
Olyver is still standing at the far end of the room.
OLYVER: Very good, my lady.
ELLARIA: I’m not a lady.
OLYVER: A term of courtesy in this establishment.
ELLARIA: A lie anywhere. Why not use the right words? I’m a bastard. Beth is a whore. And you’re, what? A procurer?
Olyver’s silence indicates an affirmative answer. He waits a moment before speaking again.
OLYVER: Any of the others?
Ellaria shakes her head and Oberyn stands up from the bed, approaching Olyver.
OBERYN: The two women can leave. You stay.
OLYVER: Me, my lord? So sure I’m on offer?
OBERYN: Everyone who works for Littlefinger is on offer.
The sounds of Ellaria and Beth enjoying themselves can be heard in the background.
OLYVER: I’m wildly expensive.
OBERYN: I’m a prince. Have you ever been with a prince?
OLYVER: (Smiling) Can’t say I have.
OBERYN: You’d like to.
OBERYN: Take off your clothes.
Olyver unbuttons his robes and Oberyn pushes them off his shoulders and to the floor. Olyver stands there nude. Olyver leans toward Oberyn.
OLYVER: Which way do you like it?
Oberyn quickly grabs Olyver around the waist and pulls him against Oberyn, so there’s no space between them.
OBERYN: My way.
Oberyn then moves to pull Olyver to the bed, but is distracted by the sound of Lannister guards singing. Ellaria moves away from Beth and sits up, looking at Oberyn.
ELLARIA: Oberyn. Oberyn, don’t.
Oberyn walks out of the room and Ellaria hands her glass to Beth.
ELLARIA: (Said as she’s moving off the bed) We didn’t come here for this…
Two Lannister guards are in the next room with women sex workers on their laps, singing. Oberyn struts into the room and the two look up at him.
GUARD ONE: You lost, friend?
OBERYN: Forgive me for staring. I don’t see many Lannisters where I’m from.
GUARD ONE: I don’t see many Dornishmen in the capital.
OBERYN: We don’t like the smell. (Chuckling)
Olyver (again wearing his robes) walks into the room with Ellaria. Olyver stands near the far wall. Ellaria walks up to Oberyn and grabs his arm.
ELLARIA: Come with me, lover.
GUARD TWO: (Speaking about Ellaria) Gods, look at this one.
Ellaria stares daggers at the second guard.
OLYVER: (To the guards) Sirs, if you’ll follow me I’ll arrange for a private room.
GUARD TWO: (Ignoring Olyver) Why are you wasting a woman like this on a Dornishman? Bring him a shaved goat and a bottle of olive oil.
Olyver looks worried at what might happen next. Ellaria gets a wicked grin on her face and steps back from Oberyn. She’s clearly no longer interested in talking Oberyn down after the guard blatantly insulted them.
OBERYN: (Smiling and walking toward the second guard) You know why all the world hates a Lannister?
The two women who were sitting on the guards laps stand up and walk out. The two guards also stand up, ready for a confrontation.
OBERYN: You think your gold, your lions and your gold lions make you better than everyone. Can I tell you a secret? You’re not a golden lion. You’re just a pink little man who’s far too slow on the draw.
The second guard is smiling cockily. The guard moves to pick up the sword that’s on the table, and Oberyn quickly pulls out a dagger and stabs it through the guard’s hand on the table. Ellaria is watching the whole thing with a satisfied look on her face.
OBERYN: Longsword is a bad option in close quarters. (To the first guard) When I pull my blade, your friend starts bleeding, quite a lot, I’m afraid. So many veins in the wrist.
Oberyn twists the knife and the second guard lets out a yelp of pain. Ellaria watches, clearly excited that the person who insulted her is feeling pain. The first guard grimaces as his companion yelps.
OBERYN: He’ll live if you get him help straight away. So. Decisions.
At that moment, Tyrion, Podrick and Bronn enter the room.
TYRION: Prince Oberyn, forgive the intrusion. We heard there might be…
Oberyn chooses that moment to pull his dagger from the second guard’s hand. The second guard starts yelling louder as blood pulses out of his wrist.
Ellaria walks toward Oberyn.
OBERYN: Apologies, my love.
ELLARIA: They deserved worse.
Ellaria then begins passionately making out with Oberyn while the two guards run from the room. Tyrion and Bronn stand by watching, clearly unsure of how to proceed.
TYRION: I’m here to welcome you to the capital.
Eventually Ellaria and Oberyn stop kissing and turn to Tyrion.
OBERYN: Ellaria Sand, my paramour. (Oberyn gestures to Tyrion) The King’s own uncle imp, Tyrion, son of Tywin. Lannister.
Ellaria turns her attention to Tyrion with a less-than-pleasant expression on her face.
TYRION: If there is anything I can do to make your stay in King’s Landing more…
OBERYN: (To Bronn) What are you? His hired killer?
BRONN: It started that way, aye. Now I’m a knight.
ELLARIA: How did that come to pass?
BRONN: Killed the right people, I suppose.
Ellaria and Oberyn both laugh and Bronn joins them.
OBERYN: (To Olyver) We’ll need a few more women. And I’m not done with you.
Olyver nods and turns to leave the room.
OBERYN: (To Bronn and Tyrion) Women, yes?
Tyrion shakes his head and Bronn nodds enthusiastically.
OBERYN: You don’t partake?
TYRION: Oh, I partook. Now I’m married.
Ellaria looks at Tyrion as he says this, clearly disgusted with the idea.
TYRION: Prince Oberyn, if I may. A word. In private.